I’m in love, yes there I’ve said it. Admitting it would make you think it’s easier, but on the contrary it just makes thing’s more diffucult and confusing. The love of my life, my father meant everything to me. He inspired me to do well, be on my best behavior,pushed me to shine light on my talents at such a young age…he was my muse. He died when I was four years old, leaving my sister and I.
Though my sister used the negative situation that had happened to us to fuel her energy towards her successes, I was not as smart to do so. The demise of my muse, left me (and still at times) leaves me questioning, myself, my talents, and my future. I knew it was something within myself because my sister seemed fine, and pieces just seemed to fall into place for her. While for myself, I felt lost, alone and to sum it up in a clutter of messy disorganized thoughts. I constantly found myself looking for help tunning into my, dare I say, inner artist. In my journey I’ve met tons of people that have peeled away the layers to get to the core of me, unlocking things I never knew I could do, or face. I thank these people, you know who you are.
Well as I said I am in love, and my beloved is in love with me. I am blissfully happy with him, and he believes and supports me in everything I do. Trust me it took me a long time to get to the state of happiness I am at today, especially given the obstacles I have faced, but I did it. Now you must be thinking, ‘well where does the question in the title come into play?”. You see, the muse I lost years ago never really left, and thats the difference between my sister and I, I was just to young and mislead to realize. So I still keep him in my heart, but now I have a new muse, my beloved amor.He whom I spend my days thinking about, afternoons laughing with, and evenings laying embraced with, my every moment is a mused. And yes he inspires me, and makes me believe, and is a muse, but can this in fact be the very thing to muse’ demise???Can the muse fade? Loves abyss has in fact taken me in and has mentally blocked me to be inspired by my inspiration.